Here’s what I was expecting:

- Women being gross and stupid just like in men’s films, hahahahaha! 

- Gonna save feminist cinema! So different and new!

- MELISSA MCCARTHY BEST THING EVER.

- The whole gang hanging out together wearing those pink dresses from the ad.

Here’s what I got:

- One scene with vomit, and allusions to poo, some language that’s more vulgar than your typical “chick flick”… but nothing like the female Hangover. I thought they’d be in Vegas, getting enormously drunk and having American Pie-style escapades. NOPE. They’re not even in many scenes as a group. It’s more about Kristen Wiig coming to terms with the changes in her life, and feeling like her BFF has abandoned her.

- Actually a very traditional “every girl gets a man” and “marriage is the end goal” romantic comedy storyline. Kristen Wiig even says Maya Rudolph’s life has “gone perfect” since she got engaged. Yes, it was great to see a film with so many women, all about women, it easily passed the Bechdel test and it’s great that women are writing roles for themselves that tell the stories they want to tell, but it was still all very conventional and it’s sad that we see this as so revolutionary.

- My second unexpected posthumous Jill Clayburgh sighting of the year (the first was Love & Other Drugs — blech). Good to see her, although her character was odd and she did look ill. I hope she sensed she was part of a huge hit.

- MELISSA MCCARTHY… eh. I love her; she’s a great actress and seems humble and kind IRL. But the fat girl with voracious appetites (for food and sex, the latter of which is played for comedy, not actual sexiness, natch) is so stereotypical and frankly beneath her.

- A mostly rather sweet paean to the importance of female friendship.I could actually have done without the other women and just focused on Kristen and Maya the whole time. They were great together, and KW has a ton of oddball charisma. It made me laugh, I related, and I may have had a tear in my eye by the end.

- Wilson Phillips! THINGS WILL GO MY WAY IF I HOLD ON FOR ONE MORE DAY! (Here’s hoping.)

- Purple dresses. Huhwha?